Sentences XIII

Sheldon: I'm polymerized tree sap and you're an inorganic adhesive, so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me, returns to its original projectory and adheres to you.
--
Sheldon: You have about as much chance of going out with Penny as the Hubble Telescope has of finding that at the center of each black hole there's a little man with a flashlight trying to find the circuit breaker.
--
Sheldon: Oh Gravity, thou art a heartless bitch
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Coldplay - Sparks

Did I drive you away?
I know what you'll say
You say, Oh, sing one we know
But I promise you this
I'll always look out for you
That's what I'll do
I say oh
I say oh
My heart is yours
It's you that I hold on to
That's what I do
And I know I was wrong
But I won't let you down
(Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah I will, yes I will…)
I say oh
I cry oh
Yeah I saw sparks
Yeah I saw sparks
And I saw sparks
Yeah I saw sparks
Sing it out
La, la, la, la, oh…
La, la, la, la, oh…
La, la, la, la, oh…
La, la, la, la, oh…
--
Skylar: What if I said I wouldn't have sex with you again 'til I got to meet your friends; what would you say?
Will: I'd say it's 4:30 in the morning; they're probably up.
[he picks up Skylar's phone and begins dialing]
Skylar: [laughing] Men are shameless. If you're not thinking with your wiener, then you're acting directly on its behalf.
Will: Thank you.
Chuckie: [answering the phone at the other end] Eh! What the fuck?
Will: Nothing, Chuckie; go back to sleep.
[Will hangs up the phone]
--
Chuckie: Look - you're my best friend, so don't take this the wrong way. In twenty years, if you're still livin' here, comin' over to my house to watch the Patriots games, still workin' construction, I'll fuckin' kill you. That's not a threat; now, that's a fact. I'll fuckin' kill you.
--
Skylar: You were hoping for a good night kiss.
Will: No, you know. I'll tell ya, I was hoping for a good night lay, but I'd settle for a good night kiss.
Skylar: [bursts out laughing] How very noble of you.
Will: Thank you... But I was, you know, hoping for a good night kiss.
Skylar: Well, let's just get it over with. Come on, come on.
[they have their first kiss, Skylar giggling the whole time]
Skylar: [after a few seconds, Skylar bursts out laughing] I think I got some of your pickle!
--
Skylar: Maybe we could go out for coffee sometime?
Will: Great, or maybe we could go somewhere and just eat a bunch of caramels.
Skylar: What?
Will: When you think about it, it's just as arbitrary as drinking coffee.
Skylar: [laughs] Okay, sounds good.
--
Sean: Look, if you're gonna jerk off, why don't you do it at home with a moist towel?
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Lambeau: Sometimes I wish I had never met you. Because then I could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like you out there.
--
Sean: You're not perfect, sport, and let me save you the suspense: this girl you've met, she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other.
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Morgan: Double Burger.
[singing]
Morgan: Chuck, I had a double burger!
Chuckie: Will you shut the fuck up? I know what you ordered, I was there.
Morgan: So give me my fucking sandwich.
Chuckie: What do you mean your sandwich? I bought it. Hey Morgan, how much money you got on you?
Morgan: I said I'd give you the change when we ordered the Sno-Cones when we pulled up, so why don't you give me my sandwich and stop being a prick.
Chuckie: Well why don't you give me your fucking sixteen cents you got on you and we'll put your sandwich on layaway. There you go, keep it right up here for you, We'll put you on a program. Everyday you bring your six cents and at the end of the week you'll get your sandwich.
Morgan: Why do you have to be such an asshole?
Chuckie: What am I, fuckin' sandwich welfare? I think you should establish a good line of credit. Like how you bought your couch, payment plans. Remember how your mother brought in $10 everyday for a year and she finally got her couch Rent-A-Center Style?
Morgan: Can I have my food now please?
Chuckie: [throws the burger at Morgan] Here's your fucking double burger!
--
Sean: People call those imperfections, but no, that's the good stuff.
--
Chuckie: Hey asshole.
Will: What, bitch?
Chuckie: Happy birthday.
--